• Roger Wenschlag posted an update 3 years, 6 months ago

    Charlene — You come across as a generous, giving person. Perhaps instead of expecting reciprocity for when you knock yourself out for others you should just back off those situations where you are experience a deficit balance (ala Covey). Focus instead on the things that bring you joy, and where you know people appreciate your efforts and support. For one, I can say that I appreciate you every day when I read the Pulmonary Fibrosis News. You are a source information and encouragement to me. I’m “celebrating” my three year diagnosis of IPF on July 8. So far, i’ve done pretty well, but can sense that things are “going south” in my lung function, stamina, etc. As long as we have fellow travelers like you, it makes the journey more understandable, and bearable. Thank you for what you do. Roger.

    • Hi @roger-wenschlag,

      Thank you so much for your kind words and for posting this update following my column about reciprocation in friendships. I’ve been giving this a lot of thought, and it has been consuming my mind over the past few days as I continue to be frustrated/struggle with others who seem to be ‘taking’ of my time and not returning anything by giving. Again, I don’t give with an expectation to get back, although it is hard when I really do need and want the support (these two weeks have been tough for me) and it isn’t returned. I find this is especially frustrating when I don’t have a lot emotionally or physically to give due to the struggle of just breathing, and yet I do anyways. What I’ve concluded is that maybe I need to make the adjustment to my expectations or willingness to help others. I can’t change how they act (which would never be out of malicious intent) but I can change what I do.

      If you’ve ever heard of the personality colours, I am definitely blue which is all about giving, emotional connection, etc. I like to give to others, and part of this frustration is coming from not being able to do so as much now as a result of my IPF.

      I think you’re also right Roger, in that I need to back away from some of the experiences where I feel a deficit balance. This is something I’d really have to work on, but I know I can do it. Re-focusing my efforts on things that people appreciate, or even on myself for awhile is a really needed thing I think.

      Thank you again for your kind words about my role on our Pulmonary Fibrosis News site! I am so very thankful for this role and it brings me a lot of joy being able to moderate these forums, and write columns for the site. I also love connecting with others who are on this same journey as me, so thank you for the reminder to do this and for your kind words. They are very much appreciated.

      I will be thinking of you on July 8th as your three year diagnosis of IPF passes. I hope you do something that brings you joy on this day as well. Thank you for walking this journey with me Roger.

      Kindest regards,
      Charlene.

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