More than 3 years after we met, I say goodbye to a longtime reader
Thinking about her causes me to reflect on my changing circle of friends
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Have you ever woken up in a strange mood and, before your feet hit the floor, found yourself wondering what caused it? I recently experienced that; I was feeling melancholy, and the Dean Lewis song “How Do I Say Goodbye” came to mind.
Someone I knew recently passed away, and I want to share some thoughts about her.
When I was diagnosed with idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis (IPF) in January 2017, the number of people I personally knew who had passed away wasn’t large. It took a while for me to establish a relationship between this disease’s prognosis and my own mortality, and that only happened as I’ve learned more about IPF and the fact that it’s a chronic, progressive disease with no cure.
My circle of friends and colleagues changed after I was diagnosed, and especially after I went out on disability, becoming primarily others with IPF or a related interstitial lung disease. I could not expect everyone to understand what I was going through or to be comfortable with witnessing my disease’s progression.
For several years, as I’d prepare to participate in the Pulmonary Fibrosis Foundation Walk in Washington D.C., I would invite readers to walk with me. If they were registered to walk, I wanted to meet them.
About three and a half years ago, Debra Anne Stafford Lowder, a regular reader of “Make Every Breath Count,” and her husband, Jim, took me up on my invitation and drove up early from North Carolina to meet me. When I checked in that Saturday, a PFF staff member told me a couple was asking for me. She spotted them and introduced me. It was a humbling moment to meet Debra and Jim.
A journey ends
Recently, a staff member of the parent company of Pulmonary Fibrosis News reached out to me about a request from a longtime reader, a woman who had recently entered hospice and was near the end of her journey. They forwarded her contact information to me to see if I could help her with some requests.
It was Debra, the woman who, three and a half years earlier, had come to Washington D.C., with her husband to meet me and join me on my walk.
In the weeks that followed her initial email to Bionews, we exchanged several emails. It turns out, her requests had been simple, and I only had to make some introductions for her. I checked in with Debra to see how she and Jim were doing in the final days of her journey.
On the morning of April 1, I received an email from Jim letting me know that Debra had passed away the previous Friday, March 27.
I want to share a part of her request, as it says so much about who she was as a person. Debra wanted educational materials about pulmonary fibrosis to be available at her funeral. She was an educator and continued educating others to the very end.
It has taken me a couple of weeks to write this column. I have shared a lot about my journey since my diagnosis. I write these columns not only for my readers, but also for me. Writing is therapeutic for me.
As I reflect on my journey since my diagnosis, I think about how much my circle of friends has changed. It continues to change. Sadly, I can no longer count on two hands the friends of mine who have passed. Even in their passing, they help me make every breath count.
In memory of Debra Anne Stafford Lowder, July 10, 1953 – March 27, 2026.
Note: Pulmonary Fibrosis News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Pulmonary Fibrosis News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to pulmonary fibrosis.
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