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Comments About Your Physical Appearance Since IPF/PF Diagnosis.
Does it ever bother you when people make comments regarding your physical appearance since your diagnosis of idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis (IPF)?
Back in July of this year I wrote a column about frustrating things others’ say to me as a patient living with IPF. Most times these things are in response to my physical appearance, other times they are not. However, just this week a few people have said things to me that I am finding aggravating and I am wondering if others experience this as well.
While the intention behind the comments below are never malicious or to be ill-intended, I find I am increasingly sensitive to them. Or at least I have been this week! Here are some of the comments others’ have said to me and the internal dialogue I have in response to these things:
- “You’re not wearing your oxygen!” : Good observation, Einstein! Or, thanks Captain Obvious! Often when I say these things in my mind while in response to this statement, it lightens my mood and gives me a laugh. Sometimes I wonder if people think I will always be connected to my oxygen cannula, or that I truly can’t breathe at all without supplemental 02. I suppose I have been on it more often than not this summer due to the humidity, so please assume it is literally my lifeline. I’m not sure how to respond to this, other than to say “yes, sometimes I need it and others times I don’t”. Apparently it comes as enough of a surprise to others when I am not wearing my oxygen, because it never fails that someone enthusiastically comments when I am without it.
- “You look so good” : depending on how I feel that day, I often respond internally with really, because I feel like hell! Since people know I have a chronic illness, it is almost like they have unwritten permission to comment on how ‘good’ I look when I actually have the energy to put into my physical appearance, ie. wearing makeup or doing my hair. This however, feels unnatural to me. Typically I don’t go around commenting on how good others look, especially if I know they are chronically ill. Just because we might look well externally, doesn’t mean internally we aren’t having a hard time.
- “You look really healthy today” : thanks, as opposed to every other day when I look like what? Yes, I have actually had people stroll up to me and say this out loud. Sometimes this comment makes me laugh, other times it aggravates me. It indicates to me that there are enough days that I don’t look healthy, that others take note on my good days.
How do you deal with insensitive comments from others, especially those that are specific to your physical appearance since your IPF/PF diagnosis?
Do you laugh about it and shrug it off, or do physically-focused comments bother you?
I’d love to hear from you about this experience!
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