How I’m embracing the journey while living with both PF and aging

How do we react when the person in the mirror looks different?

by Ann Reynoso | July 2, 2024

“Who is this woman?” I wonder as I look at a recent photo of myself. I hardly recognize the person looking back at me. Her face has changed.

I haven’t looked at myself in the mirror lately. I’ve been too self-conscious. What happened to that vibrant and bright young lady I once was? At 57, my face seems old and worn.

I wish these age spots weren’t visible. Age spots, common in adults older than 50, are a collection of pigments caused by exposure to the sun, although they can also result from bruising that leaves blood pigment behind.

My nasal cannula, which I need because of pulmonary fibrosis (PF), rubs against my face, making my age spots seem darker. A standard nasal cannula consists of lightweight plastic tubing that is inserted just inside one’s nostrils. The cannula leaves indentations on my cheeks, marking the face of someone who constantly relies on oxygen, but I’d feel naked if I didn’t see and feel my nasal cannula against my skin.

Emotional Ghosts Continue to Haunt Me

I’ve never paid much attention to my age, but lately, it seems to press on me. In my mind, I don’t feel as old as I am, but my body begs to differ. I can see and feel the damage that PF has done to my body and my health.

I’m faced with several simultaneous illnesses: In addition to PF, I have rheumatoid arthritis, diabetes, and heart disease. My lungs bear the brunt of the burden, while the other conditions fall into line. Aging can be a smooth transition, but with PF, it comes with complications. I’m reminded every day of how PF puts immense stress on my body.

Processing life’s changes

A 57-year-old woman wearing an oxygen cannula takes a close-up selfie in her home.

Who is this PF warrior? columnist Ann Reynoso asks. (Photo by Ann Reynoso)

All of this is a blunt reminder of the toll chronic illness can take on a person, not only physically, but also emotionally. Chronic illnesses are conditions that last for a year or more and require ongoing medical attention or limit daily activities. At times, these physical changes can feel like betrayal. The external signs of aging are now entangled with the internal battles of managing multiple health conditions. Each wrinkle, each age spot, and each indentation from the cannula is a testament to the ongoing struggle and the resilience needed to face each day.

Living with PF and the reality of aging is about more than just managing a disease; it’s about finding a new normal and embracing life’s changes. It’s a constant balancing act of managing symptoms, coping with changes, and finding ways to adapt. It’s about adapting to new limitations, seeking out the joys that are still within reach, and redefining what it means to live fully.

It’s easy to focus on what’s lost — youth, health, the ease of breathing — but focusing on what remains is where true strength lies. The ability to adapt, find purpose, and continue fighting despite the odds is where courage is found. It’s in the small victories of making it through a tough day, the moments of laughter that break through the pain, and the quiet strength that comes from facing each day head-on.

While sometimes I might struggle to recognize the woman staring back at me, I know she is a warrior. She is someone who continues to fight, who carries the weight of her illnesses with grace, and who finds ways to smile and find joy even in the face of adversity.

Note: Pulmonary Fibrosis News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Pulmonary Fibrosis News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to pulmonary fibrosis.

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About the Author

Ann Reynoso Ann Reynoso lives in Alvin, Texas, working and volunteering as a patient advocate for those with disabilities and communities that struggle with inequalities in health and social care. She was diagnosed at age 53 on December 2019 with lymphocytic interstitial pneumonia and pulmonary fibrosis. Her wonderful support team includes her husband and daughter. She writes both to regain a sense of achievement, post-diagnosis, and to make sure no one feels alone in their journey of navigating rare illness.

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