PF and Moodiness.
This is a hard post for me to make, as it is reflection of my own behaviours over the past few months. I recently was reading some of the posts on our Pulmonary Fibrosis News Facebook page and I noticed a caregiver’s post who said they were “venting” about their loved ones moodiness since being diagnosed with IPF. This really struck a chord with me, as I know I have noticed (as have others) increased moodiness within myself over the past few months.
I have been living with IPF now for two years (as of yesterday) and it has only been in the last few months that I have really noticed an increase in moodiness, impatience and intolerance of others on a regular basis. I wrote about this in a column of mine awhile back, which can be found here: https://pulmonaryfibrosisnews.com/2017/09/21/ipf-emotional-outbursts-continue-happening/
however, when I wrote this, my emotional outbursts/moodiness were happening periodically, not on the regular.
I have found that social events have become a lot more difficult for me to attend, as they take up too much energy and I don’t like always having to be “on” when I am around others. I am intolerant of people complaining about such trivial things, and find myself screaming on the inside that they should just be thankful that they are healthy. I get frustrated when I become breathless while trying to simply have a conversation, or when I get tired due to too much stimulation and as a result, I end up very grumpy towards others. I know this isn’t their fault, but I can’t seem to help when this happens and when it does, I excuse myself and say that I am tired. Then I go off into a room on my own, usually with my dog, and feel guilty about become grumpy, moody and intolerant of those who love me. I know it is normal to be intolerant of our siblings and family members occasionally, especially as we get older and our lives become parallel to one another as opposed to being intwined. That being said, it still doesn’t feel good.
Do any other patients out there experience this moodiness towards others and if so, how do you do with it? Do you explain (or try to) to your family members, or do you just keep it inside?
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