December 10, 2018 at 8:47 am #15602Charlene MarshallKeymaster
I have a new found understanding and level of empathy for those who have dealt with anxiety all their lives. I’ve been lucky to have never really felt anxious growing up, nor did I tend to worry about or anticipate things that were taking place in the days, weeks or months ahead. This seems to have changed however, since I was diagnosed with idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis (IPF) in April of 2016.
Shortly after my diagnosis, not much changed in terms of feeling anxious but as my disease progressed so has my anxiety…. or, at least I think it’s anxiety. When someone asked me how I was doing/feeling recently, my reply was that I felt pretty good and most content when I was outside of the walls at work. I like who I am outside of work, I enjoy the company of others and I find I am overall pretty happy, engaged and able to cope with my illness. At work however, this is a different story and I am embarrassed to admit that I’m not fond of the person I am when I’m at work these days.
I know it is because of all the changes going on internally, the terrible politics between staff members and the frustration I feel within myself around my performance, which is being hindered by the symptoms of this damn disease. However, I find that I anticipate/dread/feel anxious on Sunday nights in anticipation of my upcoming work week and I don’t deal with it well. When trying to describe how poor my sleep is on Sunday nights to a friend this weekend, she used the term “Sunday scaries” and I couldn’t agree more.
Do you have feelings of anxiety caused by your IPF/PF, particularly ahead of a difficult or busy week that you know will be hard to manage?
If so, how do you cope with this: any tips to share?
Last week was a particularly bad week for me, and I wrote my resignation letter reactively when I was upset, angry, exhausted and frustrated. I’m working on that now with the support of my employer, and will decide how best to proceed. I often ponder to myself: is this stress or anxiety really worth it for me in the end?
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
December 11, 2018 at 2:20 pm #15633SmokeyParticipant
I’m sorry to hear of the Sunday scaries that you you are now having to fight! My prayers are with you.
I too have had them, although I didn’t know they had a name. At that time I had a wife who was developing Alzheimer so I really couldn’t do anything to get out from under the problem. What developed was during a knee replacement the Dr. damaged the nerves in my spine. I was able to work 3 more years before I became disabled. At which time I became qualified for full disability and began receiving my full social security.
Do you have anything like this in Canada that you could take into consideration to help you in a “after job” situation. Charlene just don’t get so tired and down that you make rash, unprepared decisions.
December 16, 2018 at 6:57 pm #15679Charlene MarshallKeymaster
Thanks so much for your reply to this topic thread. I wasn’t sure if it was something others could relate to or not, but I am always so appreciative of your kind words. I’ve never dealt with the “Sunday scaries” before, but they sure seem applicable for the last few weeks…
I didn’t think of it as having a name either until someone told me about it, all I knew was how difficult it was for me to sleep on Sunday evenings. This didn’t always set me up for the most success during the week as I started it off tired. So sorry to hear you can relate to this as well!
Regarding the disability, we do have it in Canada and specifically for our province but it certainly doesn’t pay the same as a salary. It can’t all be about finances I know, although my bills / student loans they don’t seem to care if I am on disability or making a full salary. It is a good option to consider in future though, or as you say “after job” ideas. Thanks for the reminder 🙂
Hope you’ve had a nice weekend!
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