The “Sunday Scaries”
I have a new found understanding and level of empathy for those who have dealt with anxiety all their lives. I’ve been lucky to have never really felt anxious growing up, nor did I tend to worry about or anticipate things that were taking place in the days, weeks or months ahead. This seems to have changed however, since I was diagnosed with idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis (IPF) in April of 2016.
Shortly after my diagnosis, not much changed in terms of feeling anxious but as my disease progressed so has my anxiety…. or, at least I think it’s anxiety. When someone asked me how I was doing/feeling recently, my reply was that I felt pretty good and most content when I was outside of the walls at work. I like who I am outside of work, I enjoy the company of others and I find I am overall pretty happy, engaged and able to cope with my illness. At work however, this is a different story and I am embarrassed to admit that I’m not fond of the person I am when I’m at work these days.
I know it is because of all the changes going on internally, the terrible politics between staff members and the frustration I feel within myself around my performance, which is being hindered by the symptoms of this damn disease. However, I find that I anticipate/dread/feel anxious on Sunday nights in anticipation of my upcoming work week and I don’t deal with it well. When trying to describe how poor my sleep is on Sunday nights to a friend this weekend, she used the term “Sunday scaries” and I couldn’t agree more.
Do you have feelings of anxiety caused by your IPF/PF, particularly ahead of a difficult or busy week that you know will be hard to manage?
If so, how do you cope with this: any tips to share?
Last week was a particularly bad week for me, and I wrote my resignation letter reactively when I was upset, angry, exhausted and frustrated. I’m working on that now with the support of my employer, and will decide how best to proceed. I often ponder to myself: is this stress or anxiety really worth it for me in the end?
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
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